Welcome to the first new blog post in over seven months. I don't know how many times I thought about posting something, but let the idea go. With all the free time I've had of late, there have certainly been plenty of opportunities for me to sit down and write. Enough has happened over the past seven-and-a-half months for me to write about.
For those who are not up on the details, I have been in disability since January 21 of this year. It started in mid-December with hip pain. At first, I thought I had a pinched nerve, or that I may have even tore something in my hip. My doctor had me begin physical therapy twice and week, and I improved slightly.
However, the pain was such that I took a lot of time off; so much so that it began to negatively affect my record at work. Finally, my doctor recognized that I needed to take some extended time away from work to deal with my health issues. When I approached human resources with my doctor's recommendation, the HR manager told me they were preparing to recommend to me themselves that I go on disability. One of my managers even informed that that it was for the best that I take time off, as I had taken so much sick days, I was on the brink of being fired over it.
I went to my doctor on Thursday, January 21, and he approved my disability request. I took the paperwork back to work, they signed off on their end, and I left. I have not been back since, though I have stayed in contact with HR as necessary. When I went off, I anticipated being gone for about six or seven weeks. Do the math, and you'll realize that I am now into my eighth month.
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I spent about two months in physical therapy. Much of the time was spent connected to or strapped into a machine of some kind. The therapist would do a brief examination, adjust my at-home exercises, and connect to a machine that would stimulate the nerves and muscles in my lower back. After that, I would spent the last twenty to thirty minutes in a stretching machine to decompress my back. I never minded the feeling of being stretched; it actually made me feel a little lighter. But when the machine released, I could feel all my weight coming back onto my body. It was always weirdly disorienting.
After two months in therapy, the physical therapist determined that I had plateaued on my progress. He sent me back to my doctor, saying that physical therapy had done all it could do for me at that point. At that point, I stopped doing the exercises as they were no longer making a difference.
All this time, my doctor was progressively lengthening my time off. I was not improving, and surgery was rapidly becoming an option for my sciatica.
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Finally, my doctor referred me to see a neurosurgeon. The surgeon examined me, then requested a set of MRIs. I'd never been in an MRI machine before, and the surgeon had me get images done twice. Both times, I sweat like a pig inside the machine, and even with earplugs, it's incredibly noisy. The top of the machine is less than six inches from my face, so it's incredibly confined. I'm not claustrophobic, but I began thinking about what I would do if I ever had to get myself out of the machine for whatever reason. I prayed there wouldn't be an earthquake.
The first time I went, it was so hot that day. I got an ice cream cone afterwards, and it was so warm, the ice cream ran all over the place. I had to take a shower when I got home because things were so messy.
The two MRIs determined that I have a herniated disc in my lower back. The herniating material is pressing on one of the nerves in my back, causing the pain and weakness I've had in my left leg, and had begun to affect my right leg to a lesser extent. The MRI also showed that I have a tumorous growth on my spinal cord. This led to me being referred to another surgeon who would actually perform the surgery I need.
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The second surgeon examined the MRIs and was concerned about the tumor that was found. He wanted to make sure the tumor wasn't anything more serious before fixing my disc. Specifically, the surgeon said he wanted to determine if I had an ependymoma or a schwannoma. This meant a third set of MRIs of my back, neck, and head, with and without MRI contrast. In the end, it turned out to be a benign ependymoma, but the surgeon wants to check on it with MRIs every six months or so.
After six months of waiting and multiple doctors' visits, I finally had a surgery date set. It was going to be this coming Friday, August 12. Then, one more delay.
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The week of July 25, I received a letter from work, telling me that my insurance coverage was being terminated. Under the Family and Medical Leave Act, the company was required to pay my insurance premiums through the first ninety days of my disability leave. The company mistakenly continued to pay through the month of July. I have to reimburse the company for what they spent on my premiums, and that my coverage was ending on July 31. When I found this out, I knew that I couldn't keep my surgery date and I had to cancel. I was so scared, so frustrated, and so angry, I didn't know what I was going to do.
As a result, I had the option of continuing my coverage through COBRA, or seeking coverage through Medi-Cal. After getting incredibly upset and stressed-out (and having to apologize to a lot of people for getting angry), I began the process of applying for Medi-Cal. Although Medi-Cal would've covered me, the initial application take forty-five days to process, and I would've had to begun the assessment process all over again with another doctor.
After talking to a number of people, including a couple of nurses from church, I ultimately decided to go with COBRA through work. Although I will have to pay about $360.00 a month out of pocket, I will be able to stay with my original health plan and keep my doctor and the same surgeon. I submit the paperwork and my first premium this week, so I will hopefully have a new surgery date soon.
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With all that's happened, it would be easy to get discouraged about things. I haven't really experienced a lot of discouragement, but I have discovered that my patience has been lacking. I've had a lot of time on my hands, and I haven't always made the best use of it. With the two medications I've been taking for the past several months, I've often not had the energy to do all the things I could've done.
I think God has been using this to show me where I've needed to go spiritually. We are told to "wait on the Lord, and be of good courage" (Psalm 27:14). My trust in Him has also been lacking, and I tend to turn fearful in difficult or stressing moments. I hate the sense of uncertainty I have in those moments. 1 John 4:18 says, "(P)erfect love casts out fear"; if we trust in the Lord as we ought to, we don't have to be afraid. I've been confronted by the fact that my trust falters so easily when trouble comes, when I ought to be fleeing to God and trusting everything to Him.
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I'll post another update when I have an idea of when my surgery will take place. Sitting down to write this has motivated me to get back to writing this blog. We'll see what happens.
