Do I want to keep writing?

I know this is getting posted really late, since I normally post on Sundays.

With the difficulty in staying motivated, I'm wondering if I should adjust my writing schedule again. I'm thinking if maybe I should just write when I feel like that. Of course, then I wouldn't be writing very often.

Truthfully, I don't really know what I want to do with this. I know a (very) few people read this, but I don't know if anyone gets anything out of what I write. Maybe it's just me, and I have the forum to just get off my chest.

I want to keep writing about things that are meaningful to me, but at the same time, I feel like so much of my writing has become rote. I haven't been too many things I've wanted to do, like write reviews of movies I've seen or things that interest me. I like writing about my walk with the Lord, and I hope I say things that might be of interest and an encouragement to others. However, that's not all I ever wanted to write about. There are times where I feel like that's what I should be doing the most, even though there are times when I feel like I'm reaching for stuff. I really do want to write things that honor the Lord, but I sometimes feel like I'm writing things that are just filling space. I thought might be a big reason why I've never been terribly happy with a lot of what I write.

Although I've always enjoyed music and some art, writing has always been my major creative outlet. I don't play any instruments, and I've ever had much in the way of artistic skill. Late last year, I briefly thought about taking up sketch work (something I haven't done since an art class I took as a high school senior) and even procured a sketchbook. However, in the eight months since then, I've never picked up my sketchbook and done any drawing. Once in a while, I'll see my sketchbook and think about doing any sketching but I don't get around to it.

We'll see what happens. I don't want to give up writing, even if I sometimes find it difficult to be motivated. I still want to give sketching another try.

Turning from error to truth

Firstly, I want to apologize for no blog post last week. I wasn't feeling good last Sunday, and I never got around to actually writing one when I had time during the week. Lately, I've felt like my heart hasn't been in my writing. I could've made the time to do it this week, but I just didn't make the effort.

...

One night this past week, I came home and found myself watching videos on YouTube. Somehow, I found myself watching videos of sessions from the Strange Fire conference. The conference was convened to address the issues arising from the growing influence of the Charismatic movement within evangelical Christianity. One of the issues addressed in the sessions was the dangers of emotionalism, of allowing our sensations and experiences (especially in the sense that one has "experienced the Holy Spirit" in the sensual manner) to be a means by which we determine our connection to and understanding of God rather than by the standard of the Scriptures.

I am not, nor have I ever been, a Charismatic. However, the messages punched me right in the heart. By the grace of God, I realized that at some point, I had given myself over to trusting my own feelings and attitudes, which I know to be misleading, rather than trusting in the Lord, who never varies. I had become so withdrawn from trusting God, I was even doubting the reliability of the Bible, at least some of which I am certain was Satanic effort. Matthew 24:24 suggests it's possible for even the elect of God to be deceived, and I do believe I was being deceived. I was doubting so much of God had done, to the point that I was beginning to wonder if I were even saved. I was doubting things about my walk with God that I knew to be true.

Still, I had to admit that whatever happened, I was culpable for my own unbelief. I had to stop, bow my head, and pray, "Lord, I have strayed into error." I had to stop and beg for forgiveness, that I had doubted Him and trusted myself, something that I just shouldn't do at all. Thankfully, God is faithful to forgive and cleanse us of all unrighteousness 1 John 4:9).

Answers to prayer and an adjustment

These past few days have been a period of adjustment for me. This last week, I applied to be allowed to move from second shift to first shift at work so that I could start attending a regular Bible study on Thursday nights. My application was accepted on Wednesday, but I didn't find out about it until the next day. The people working in the digital department on first shift knew that I got approved even before I did.

The toughest part has been having to adjust my sleeping pattern. I usually roll out of bed between 9:00 and 9:30 am to be at work by 1:30 pm. These past few days, I've been waking up one hour earlier than the day previous so that I can be out of bed Monday morning at 4:30. It's been both easier than I thought and difficult to do. There's the temptation to go back to sleep, but also the realization that this is what I wanted, so I need to do what I have to do, in order to accomplish this.

Whatever the case, I think it's going to be a little easier going at work as a trade-off. On first shift, there are more people to do more of the work. If we can get more sent out on first, it'll hopefully make things a little easier for those still on second shift. Now, they just need to find someone to take my place on second...

It's definitely been an answer to prayer, though. Getting to visit the Doulos West LA Bible study made me realize how much I missed belonging to one. I need that fellowship and I need to be giving of my time to my brothers and sisters in Christ whenever I can.
...

I've written in the past that I've struggled in the past with trusting in God like I know I should be. At church this morning, we heard a message from Exodus 1. Pharaoh commands the enslavement of Israel and killing of male Jewish babies because he fears the growing population of Israel turning against Egypt, even though the Jews have lived peacefully, if separately, from the Egyptians since their arrival in Genesis. Despite Pharaoh's decrees, God allows the Jews to prosper and thrive. The Lord Himself promised to Abraham back in Genesis that his people would be slaves in a foreign land (Genesis 15). God's promises in Genesis were not (and never will be) thwarted by anyone or anything.

A point the pastor made in the sermon was that it's important to trust God as He is shown in the Scriptures, not our false impressions of Him. I've been guilty of this, and I think God has been showing me this of late. I pray that I would continue to search the Scriptures and gain a right understanding of Him and His love.